


your love is strong (where you belong)

by interstellarbeams



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Panic Attacks, Separation Anxiety, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, mentions of Baze Malbus, mentions of Chirrut Îmwe, mentions of K-2SO, mentions of Lyra Erso
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 10:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9651695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interstellarbeams/pseuds/interstellarbeams
Summary: Jyn survived her mother's death, the loss of her father and Saw Gerrera's abandonment. How much more will she be able to take if she loses Cassian? She has finally found a home, but at what cost?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Massive thanks go out to my beta Nora ([GreenFish](http://archiveofourown.org/user/GreenFish))! If it wasn't for her this fic would be a much bigger and less grammatically correct mess. She always takes my fic from a ugly caterpillar and turns it into a beautiful butterfly.
> 
> Emma ([Dawnofthedusk>](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawnofthedusk/)) also deserves thanks for being my cheerleader while writing this one, no matter how many times I bugged her or whined and complained about it she kept on carrying on and supported me through it all.
> 
> There is a mention of a panic attack in this fic so if this is triggering to you, please don't read it. :)

She’s being pulled into his side, kept back from killing Krennic by the paltry strength left in his arms and the softness in his eyes, when she hears it for the first time. He whispers it into her ear while the sounds of battle surround them. 

She almost doesn’t believe him until they are crumpled together on the sand, their hands tightly interlocked, with the heat of a exploding planet once again brushing their cheeks. She looks up into his eyes and she believes it. Their deaths are upon them and yet she doesn’t care, because he loves her and she loves him and in that moment: it’s enough.

His arms hold her tightly as the earth trembles beneath them. She can feel the scratch of his stubble against her neck and smells the sweat from his heroic efforts to come to her aid. He probably has broken ribs and a concussion. She smells the sharp tang of blood from a deep gash on his forehead. 

Jyn holds him just as tightly, knowing he’s the last thing that she will ever hold -- or ever _love_ \-- she decides that she won’t ever let him go; so they can stay forever locked in an inescapable embrace. 

\------------------------------

When she awakens, Jyn expects to see the darkness of death. Instead she faces the shiny, inscrutable face of a medical droid. She jerks upwards instinctually, and hisses at the burning spike of pain that shoots up her side, reminding her of the past sting of a blaster bolt. She lifts her hand to place it against her side, but even the slightest pressure against her skin has her gasping. 

Swearing under her breath, Jyn turns her head towards the droid. “What happened? Where am I? I thought -- why didn’t I die on Scarif?” 

“Sergeant Erso, you have not been cleared to receive that information.” The droid’s impersonal voice echoes around the room, its face as empty as the room that Jyn occupies.

Looking down at her hands, Jyn expects to see dirt and blood, but they are clean -- free of any reminders that she had killed, fought and almost died so recently. Her hands are also empty.

Jyn whimpers suddenly, “Cassian...” 

Tossing her covers aside, she jumps up, ignoring the sharp jolt of pain in her side and scrambles around the droid, almost pushing it down in her haste to escape the room. 

Throwing the door open, alarms suddenly start blaring and the droid follows Jyn, warnings tumbling from its unmovable mouth. Jyn ignores the alarms and the annoying droid, and races down the hallway, searching left and right through windows and doors, but finding no sign of the beloved form that she is searching for. 

Tears form in her eyes and roll down her cheeks, her search seeming less and less likely to produce Cassian. 

_Is he dead? Is he gone? Is she alone once again?_

Jyn stands before the last door, her hands trembling as she grasps the door’s handle, steeling herself to be disappointed once again. 

She breaks down into sobs as she falls into the room, and lands on her knees. The shock of the cold floor against her skin is a negligible irritation because her whole being is flooding with relief and overwhelming joy. 

He’s _there_. She has found him. 

She pushes herself up off the floor, her legs trembling, and crosses to his bed. Jyn gasps at the paleness of his skin, his lips disappearing into the pallor of his face. Tears drip onto his face as she leans forward and kisses his forehead gently, afraid that any pressure might cause him undue pain. 

“Cassian, I-- I love you. Please don’t leave me.” Jyn’s voice comes out in a whisper, strangled and cracked. Her throat has been ravaged by the heat of the imploding planet, but she needs to tell him just how much he means to her.

He shouldn’t mean this much to her. She had only known him for a few days when they had arrived on Scarif to face an uncertain future. 

They shouldn’t work. They are too much alike; they both hold everything inside, letting their hurts and their fears fester until they explode like a supernova. 

 

She _wants_ them to work, though. She is so tired of relying only on herself - she needs someone who will be there for her; a support system, a family. She had thought she’d found it in him, in their crew, in Rogue One. 

_But had all her dreams been blown to the distant corners of the galaxy, just like Scarif?_

Jyn hadn’t noticed but while she had been distracted, the blaring of alarms had silenced, and her droid caretaker had ceased his chattering. Someone clears their throat, startling her, and Jyn jerks her head up from where she had been studying Cassian’s impassive face. 

“Miss Erso, you weren’t supposed to leave quarantine,” Mon Mothma states, not surprisingly ignoring Jyn’s new status as an Alliance Sergeant. Mon Mothma had always seen people before she saw titles, especially when it came to the members of her Alliance. 

Jyn gazes upon the stately woman’s face, imagining what she must look like to the Senator, her face streaked with drying tears, hair mussed up from days, or weeks of bed rest. In the end, Jyn simply shrugs sheepishly. She glances back at Cassian, lacing her fingers between his, and smoothes the blanket around him. 

The leader of the Rebel Alliance steps closer, barely making a sound, before placing her hand on Jyn’s shoulder. Whether it is meant in comfort or in solidarity, Jyn doesn’t know, but she is grateful for it. 

“Will he be okay?” Jyn whispers, her words sounding distorted as she forces them through trembling lips.

“According to the medical droid’s data, he should wake up soon. They believe that he needs as much rest as possible so that he can endure the bacta treatments and infusions that he’ll require later on in his recovery,” Mon Mothma replies, her voice strong and steady. 

“Ho- How _did_ we survive?” Jyn asks, swallowing hard against the pain in her throat, determined to get answers before she’s forced to leave Cassian’s bedside.

Mon Mothma chuckles quietly. “Quite ingeniously, really. Much like the escape from Jedha, Bodhi came back for you. He refused to leave you two behind. He kept repeating, ‘I’m the pilot, I’m the pilot.’ He insisted he was going to find you, or die trying. Thankfully, it was the former.” 

“Bodhi’s alive?” Jyn gasps, relief flooding through her, as hope makes yet another reappearance. 

“Yes, and he’s very anxious to see the both of you - but, I don’t think either of you are ready for company just yet, to be honest.” 

“Wh-what about Chirrut and Baze?” Jyn questions, her eyebrows furrowing in preparation to hear the worst. 

The senator’s face falls, her cool, blue eyes turning soft and sympathetic, and Jyn immediately knows that they didn’t make it. Bowing her head, she tries to keep more tears from escaping, but she fails.

“Jyn, I think you should be back in your own bed; in your own room. We don’t need any more stressors to add to Cassian’s condition. We don’t know yet if he can hear us or if he’s aware of what’s going on, but we can’t risk it while he’s still in recovery.” Mon Mothma reaches out a slim hand, expecting Jyn to grasp it as if walking a small, helpless child down a crowded street. “Come along, now.”

It doesn’t feel like a command to Jyn, but she must appear rather mutinous, because a very stern look crosses the chancellor’s face. 

“Alright, alright,” Jyn acquiesces, reluctantly releasing Cassian’s hand and hopping off the bed. “I _can_ come back to see him though, right? He needs me.” 

“We’ll see.” 

Jyn feels like a little girl asking her parents whether she could stay up past her bedtime. 

Bending down, she presses another kiss to Cassian’s forehead and softly whispers, “I’ll be back, I promise.” 

 

She is allowed back over the many weeks that Cassian spends recovering. Two weeks after the day that she had awoken in the medical ward, Jyn is released from the doctor’s care, and allowed to take her place among the Rebel Alliance as Sergeant Jyn Erso. She is given her own quarters and a standard-issue jacket, one very similar to Cassian’s, with a patch that signifies her status among the network of pilots, soldiers and spies that fill the Temple at Massassi. Despite her official status, she could hardly be found in any of the places Alliance officers would normally frequent. 

Everyone whispers behind their hands -- about Jyn Erso and her adamant refusal to leave Captain Andor’s side -- although many continue to wonder why since he had yet to wake up as well. Strange, they say, that she would be so loyal to someone who was not likely to last much longer. 

But Jyn has something that they don’t have.

Jyn has hope. 

Hope that Cassian will pull through, hope that he would survive this, hope that he would come back to her. 

\------------------------------

She sits next to his bedside, recounting news of the day. “I saw Bodhi today. He’s finally been cleared to fly. He’s so excited to be a pilot for the Resistance. He actually hugged me, can you believe it? He’s always been so shy around me.” Jyn huffs out a laugh, tracing slow circles onto Cassian’s hand. 

She doesn’t know if he can hear her, but she talks to him nonetheless. She prays that her voice will be a tether to draw him out of his coma and bring him back to her. 

If K-2SO hadn’t been shot down on Scarif, Jyn knows he would be spouting statistics at her right now, notifying her of the scant chance of Cassian awaking from his coma, while also somehow managing to give her a censorious look, despite not having actual eyebrows or facial muscles. Thoughts of K-2 always brings a smile to Jyn’s face. He may not have approved of her, but she had always secretly enjoyed his sarcasm. He had been the most human out of any droid she had ever met, and she misses him now. 

Jyn bends her head, feeling wetness on her cheeks as tears roll down her face. She roughly brushes them away with her free hand. 

_I will be strong. I will not let this break me._

_You survived after your mother was murdered and your father left. You became self sufficient after Saw abandoned you. You can do this, Jyn._

She has been trying her best to be strong for Cassian, and to be strong in front of the others; Mon Mothma knows of her feelings, she’s sure, but Jyn has always found it harder to trust authority figures -- even those who see her through sympathetic eyes. She’s sure it would take a weight off of her shoulders if she had _someone_ to confide in, another friend to talk to, but Bodhi is so busy with his training and she can’t bear to distract him. New friendships are hard to come by, and Jyn had never been one to put herself out there first. 

Cassian is one of the first people she had trusted in years. All her losses had forced her to harden her heart for so long. She had always believed love was a weakness, a distraction from survival; love _hurt_ \-- and now that she had let her guard down, the pain of potentially losing him now makes her feel like she will fall to pieces. This was why she had fought against the idea of love for so long! 

Hearing the door open behind her, Jyn turns her head, but at the sight of the General she internalizes a groan. _What did_ he _want?_

Releasing Cassian’s hand, she rises to attention in deference to the General. 

At the General’s nod, Jyn stands at ease, clasping her hands behind her back, and waits to hear what Draven has come to say. Jyn can’t help but wonder why he is here, the questions flitting through her head like a humming peeper on a quest for nectar.

“Sergeant Erso,” Draven drawls, his words perfunctory and impersonal. “I’ve come to inform you that the Alliance will be moving base as soon as possible. Our destination is still classified but you will be one of the first on location to help with the set up.” 

“First on location…?” Jyn suddenly feels like her lungs are constricting with a lack of oxygen. She grasps her chest involuntarily. “What about Cassian? I can’t just... leave him here.”

“ _Captain_ Andor is no longer your concern. You aren’t a doctor or a medical droid, Sergeant Erso. We have no use for you here. However, we _do_ need you on the new base,” Draven commands, his face tensing up as the corner of one eye twitches in response. 

Jyn feels herself losing focus as her heartbeat speeds up. Her thoughts are spinning before her rapidly like the dust vortexes she had witnessed on her trek to Jedha City, and all she can feel is the cold frisson of dread seeping down her spine. 

“Sergeant? Sergeant Erso? Are you listening?” The general’s voice seemingly comes from far off as if she’s drifting away into the vacuum of space.

 _Leave Cassian?_ Jyn can’t bear the thought of Cassian waking up to a cold room with a impersonal droid as his only comfort. _Would he even remember her? What if his coma had caused more damage than they knew?_

She keeps trying to take in breaths to draw in much needed oxygen, but her body refuses to comply. 

_In and out. In and out._

There's no relief, though, her lungs aching as if being pricked by thousands of needles. Her head swims and the edges of her vision start to blur. Jyn closes her eyes tightly against the overwhelming sensations.

After what feels like hours, Jyn feels the hard press of her kyber crystal necklace being thrust into her hand. Still ensconced in darkness, she forces herself to concentrate on the feel of the crystal in her hand, the cool, firm outline of the pendant, as it touches her skin. She can finally feel herself calming down, her breath stuttering in and out as the trembling of her hands stops. Blinking slowly, she opens her eyes to see that the General had since left the room, and that she was now seated on the floor, with Bodhi’s familiar face peering down at her worriedly, from a few paces away. 

He offers her a tremulous but friendly smile, which Jyn attempts to return, probably unsuccessfully, based on the way Bodhi’s face falls. Jyn’s face feels tense, and she realizes she is probably still in shock. She can’t believe that Draven is trying to separate her and Cassian, after everything they had been through, everything they’ve done for the Alliance! He had to know that he was causing her undue stress. A part of her feels like the General is doing it on purpose, since he had never wanted Jyn to be a part of his Alliance in the first place. 

To Draven, she’s just another con-artist, using the Alliance to keep herself out of a jail cell. He hadn’t trusted her from the beginning and continues to treat her as if she hadn’t risked her life for the galaxy and all the people in it.

She has to talk to Mon Mothma, she realizes. 

Forcing herself up off the floor, Jyn secures the kyber crystal necklace around her neck. Technically, wearing it puts her out of uniform, but at the moment she doesn’t care. Ignoring Bodhi’s alarmed expression, she storms out the door, and scrambles down the hall on shaking legs. She doesn’t even register all her fellow soldiers ducking out of her way as she rushes through the corridor, her vision clouding in rage. 

The sticky humidity of Yavin IV can be felt no matter where you are on the base, and yet Mon Mothma somehow always appears cool, calm and composed, despite that. Not a hair out of place, not a wrinkle in sight. Jyn sometimes wonders if Mon Mothma isn’t really a droid cloaked in human skin. That being said, Jyn knows that the senator _does_ indeed have feelings, and is known to be quite compassionate, unlike her counterpart, General Davits Draven. 

Jyn reminds herself that’s why she’s here, now: to reason with someone who might understand and listen to her cause.

“Sergeant Erso, how are you?” Mon Mothma asks politely. “The General told me you had passed out in Captain Andor’s room. Are you alright?” 

Jyn flushes hotly, embarrassed to have revealed such a weakness in front of the General. Unable to answer, she nods curtly in response.

“I am concerned that your panic attacks may be directly correlated to the hardships you endured on Scarif. We should have a doctor examine you, before your departure.” Mon Mothma’s expression remains cool as if she is not ripping out Jyn’s heart with her words.

“W-wait,” Jyn chokes. “You agree with the General? You want me to leave, as well? I can't believe this! I… I came here because I thought you’d understand!” 

“Jyn, it's for the good of the Rebellion.” The Senator frowns at Jyn as if she’s questioning her devotion to the cause. “Don't you want to do your best by us? To prove to everyone that you are on our side, once and for all?” 

“I could have sworn that I damn well _proved_ that when I headed straight into a highly-fortified enemy base to steal back the plans for the planet killer! Without that mission success, we’d surely be in much greater danger!” Jyn’s chest heaves with emotion and she clenches her fists. “I almost died -- _we all_ \-- almost died. Shouldn't that be enough to keep me here? At least until Cassian is recovered?”

A sympathetic look crosses Mon Mothma’s face but Jyn also recognizes stubbornness. “I don’t know if you’re aware, but there were a number of council members who were specifically lobbying on your behalf to be allowed to help head up this move. It’s highly classified, and despite what you may think about General Draven, he felt very strongly about how your talents would benefit the cause. As do I.”

Jyn’s face darkens, and she forces herself to breathe out through her nose. She disagrees strongly that the General’s decision to put her on this mission has _anything_ to do with her skills. That being said, Jyn also knows that no matter what she does, or how she pleads, the general and the senator had come to an agreement on this and were supporting one another. 

“If you’ll excuse me, Senator.” Jyn pushes out through trembling lips, blinking back frustrated tears. 

“Of course, Sergeant.” Mon Mothma responds, bowing her head in dismissal.

Jyn doesn’t remember leaving the room, or even walking the corridors of the rebel base, but as soon as she comes upon an empty bench, she sits down, grateful to find the area free of prying eyes and ears. 

The _drip drip drip_ of water fills her ears but she can't let any more tears fall, she _can’t_ , she has to be strong. _Saw taught you better than this_ , she thinks. _If he could see you now, letting emotion cloud your judgement..._

Her thoughts race once again, but Jyn forces herself to calm down. Grasping the kyber crystal pendant hanging from her neck, she thinks about her mother, Lyra. Lyra had been the epitome of calm and quiet strength in Jyn’s life, up until her death. Jyn had always been able to count on her mother to reassure her when she was hurt or sad. Jyn is no longer that little girl who needed a knee scrape kissed or a nightmare chased away, but she still longs for her mother sometimes. 

She no longer has her mother, but she does have the Force. At least, that’s what her mother had believed in. Closing her eyes, Jyn takes a deep breath, counting her heartbeats as they slow down. She can almost feel like the crystals are growing warm in her palm, and she swears she hears her mother’s voice telling her that everything will be fine -- sounding as if it is coming from a great distance. 

_Are you there, Mother?_

_Jyn... Jyn... Jyn…._

“Jyn!” Bodhi’s voice echoes down the corridor, mirroring the sound of her mother’s voice as it reverberates in her mind.

“Jyn,” he calls again, before coming to a stop in front of her. He’s bent over and breathing hard, his bangs wet and plastered to his forehead, his goggles dangling crookedly from his neck.

“What's wrong? What happened?” Jyn stands up quickly, anxiety clenching in her belly. 

“It’s just -- that -- Cassian he--” Bodhi struggles to get out past his gulps for air. “I was… trying to find you…”

“ _Cassian?_ What about him?” Jyn prompts, worried that something horrible has happened. 

“It's okay. He's -- fine. He woke up!” Bodhi finally manages to spit out, still bent over and gasping for breath. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. Nobody knew where you went - I’m glad I found you, though.”

When Bodhi looks up, he realizes he’s speaking to thin air, not even the whisper of her footprints left to suggest that she had been there at all. 

\------------------------------

Jyn feels like she can't breathe again, but this time it's sheer happiness constricting her chest. Tears course down her face, and yet she can't bring herself to come closer. His head is turned away from her. She imagines he must be looking out at the sunlight streaming through the jungle foliage, but she can't focus on the beautiful view from the window, when all she can see is _him_. All she wants to breathe is _him_. She doesn't want to think about anything else but _him_. 

He must not have heard her come in because he doesn't turn her way. She doesn't know whether she should draw closer, or clear her throat to get his attention? She's afraid to startle him. What if it gives him some kind of setback? He could still be weak from his coma. 

_But Bodhi must have been here when he woke up, so he has to know that I’m alive, right?_

As Jyn stands there, wavering on what to do, Cassian turns his head. A feeling of dread creeps into her gut as his eyes meet hers, and his expression doesn’t change. In fact, he doesn’t even look glad to see her!

 _Does he remember me? Could he have amnesia? Those kriffing medical officers! What did they do to him?_

Steeling herself, Jyn forces herself to move closer. It’s frightening to think that Cassian might not remember her, but she still needs to see that he is okay with her own two eyes. It terrifies her to see him lying so still; weak and pale, empty of all the fire and passion that she had come to associate with him. 

Quickly, Jyn wipes the tears from her face, but the smooth leather of her gloves only manages to smear the dampness across her cheeks. She edges closer until she is standing next to the bed. Her fingers tingle with the strength of her desire to touch him, to hug him, to feel his vitality -- but she stops herself. 

She has no way of knowing why Cassian is being so withdrawn, as there don’t seem to be any doctors or medical droids around. Biting her lip in indecision, Jyn thinks, _screw it_ , and reaches for him. Grasping his shoulder, she almost sobs as the feeling of his warm skin seeps through his shirt and into her palm. Suddenly, his shoulder starts shaking under her palm, and Jyn realizes Cassian is crying; sobbing really, great gasping sobs that make her heart break and she can’t hold back anymore.

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, her chest pressed to his back, Jyn gathers him close. His head comes to rest snugly against her own, as his hands come to rest atop hers. He grips her weakly with trembling fingers, but she doesn’t care. She only cares that he’s here with her, that she is no longer alone, and that she didn’t lose him to the bright, white light of a dying planet. 

She holds him for what feels like forever, _it’s okay’s_ , and _you’re alright’s_ falling from her lips. She shushes him like a mother would an upset child, with her _i love you’s_ disguised in those simple assurances. 

\------------------------------

After Cassian’s miraculous recovery, he requested a meeting with General Draven and Mon Mothma in his hospital room. He had acquired quite a bit of clout since returning from their disastrous mission on Scarif, it seemed, and he used it to his advantage by obtaining a temporary reprieve for Jyn. She was still bound for Hoth, but didn’t have to leave quite as quickly as the general had led her to believe. 

A few more weeks pass, and Jyn can see Cassian improving, physically, by leaps and bounds but the haunted look never leaves his eyes. The demons they both share keeps them connected, but the loss of K-2, of Baze and Chirrut still lingers in the back of their minds like the dense fogs that would rise up to obscure the view of the majestic mountains on Lah’mu. 

Jyn can see that the responsibility of leadership weighs heavily on Cassian. She knows he still feels that the loss of their friends -- their ad-hoc family, really -- lies solely at his feet, and no matter what Jyn says, she knows that it will always stay with him. Like the dust of Jedha’s streets, the sands of Scarif will always cling to them; the survivor’s guilt and memories of death and destruction meshing together into a horrible nightmare that they will never escape.

When she’s not with Cassian, Jyn finds herself checking up on Bodhi. He can often be found in the mess hall, his hands loosely looped around a cooling mug of caf, his gaze lost in a far off place. She worries about him, and yet she knows he is the bravest of them all. Unlike her, he has been making new friends in his squadron, the _Rogue Squadron_ , if you can believe it, and he always has a smile for everyone. His strength constantly inspires her and she finds herself wanting to hug him every time she sees him. She wishes she could tell him just how much he means to them -- Cassian and Jyn -- _and_ to the Rebellion. She also thinks about how proud her father would have been of him. 

She knows that without Bodhi’s support, she wouldn’t have had the strength to wait for Cassian to heal. His friendship has helped her heal.

\------------------------------

Coming to stand in front of the door to Cassian’s recently re-inhabited quarters, Jyn wavers on whether to knock, but she doesn’t intend to waste the ten minutes it took to get from the main hangar to here by turning around and walking away now. 

Knocking perfunctorily, Jyn waits nervously outside his door, glancing around to make sure that she isn’t being followed. She has a sneaking suspicion that Draven has had a spy on her tail over the last few weeks, ever since he had informed her that she would be part of the top-secret Alliance mission on Hoth. While she’s been lucky enough to delay her departure for a couple weeks, the General still appears suspicious of their motives, particularly since Cassian has come back to work. 

It isn’t as if she and Cassian are planning another rogue mission to fly off into the proverbial sunset. They both intend to stick around. The Resistance needs them, even if the General doesn’t think so. They’re here for the long run.

“Jyn,” Cassian announces, a look of surprise filling his eyes, as he holds the door open for her.

“ _Cassian_ ,” Jyn responds, a laugh threatening to erupt from her lips at his abrupt greeting. “So what’s going on in here?” Jyn asks with a grin. “You’re acting surprised to see me. Are you hiding a secret stash of sweet-sand cookies? You know, that was one of my favorite treats when I was a little girl living on Coruscant.”

“Cookies? I’ve... never had those, I don’t think,” Cassian replies, a cute frown creasing his forehead. 

“Oh - sorry,” Jyn cringes, feeling kind of silly for teasing him, as she had only been trying to lighten the mood.

Cassian crosses to his bed while Jyn glances around, studying the room. She has never been in his personal quarters before. They are quite nice, bigger than Jyn’s own, but they still feel stark for someone who has apparently been with the Rebellion for most of their life. There are no homey touches or holos framed on the nightstand. The only items to indicate that someone lives there are the rumpled blankets on the bed, the chest of drawers placed against the opposite wall, and a strip of light cutting across the room from the open door of the ‘fresher.

A frustrated grunt from across the room startles Jyn from her musings, and Jyn hurries over to where Cassian is apparently trying and failing to put on his jacket. 

“Here, let me,” Jyn insists, reaching for the collar of the jacket where it dangles from his good arm. She lifts it and drapes the other side of his jacket over his shoulder. His arm has been virtually immobile ever since he awoke from the coma. Even the wonders of the bacta tank can’t completely heal a broken bone. Only time can do that. Smoothing the top of the jacket across his shoulders, Jyn feels the atmosphere of the room change. As she looks up, she notices that his usual haunted look has been replaced by a warmth in the depth of his eyes.

Jyn suddenly recalls the elevator on Scarif, and how the darkness had cocooned them in a blanket of awareness. She bites her lip, nervousness flooding into her belly, but she feels safe with Cassian. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about kissing him before. 

While on Scarif, they had been staring down death, but here in his quarters, the only thing keeping them apart is… what? Their own self doubt? 

Jyn feels a warm, prickly glow spreading up her neck as the intimacy of the moment settles in. 

She slowly slides her hands up from where they had been resting gently on his shoulders, her thumbs caressing his cheekbones. She knows that she has an affect on him; she’s always known, the way his eyes would follow her when he spotted her in the hallways and conference rooms on the base. But this feeling of raw desire is new to her. 

She gasps when his good arm wraps around her waist, drawing her as close to him as his other arm between them would allow. The tip of his nose grazes hers and she closes her eyes, just before his lips capture hers. His lips coax hers open and she can’t breathe. All she can _feel_ is him. All she can _taste_ is him, as he sucks her lower lip into his mouth. Jyn thinks she probably would fall right at his feet in this moment if she wasn’t holding onto him, because her legs have turned to jelly. Her thoughts swirl at the delicious scrape of his stubble against her skin, while his lips trail softly down her neck. 

Suddenly the bright light from the hallway is illuminating them, and a crash echoes down the hall as the door slams shut. 

“ _Shit._ ” Cassian says softly under his breath, the loud disruption causing him to release Jyn abruptly. 

Jyn almost stumbles, before coming to rest on the bed, her trembling legs unable to keep her up. 

She watches as Cassian turns away from her, pushing his hand through his hair distractedly. Jyn almost laughs because his jacket is threatening to slip off his shoulder again, and she’s probably the cause of it. 

A tentative knock sounds on the door, and Cassian goes to answer it properly.

“Oh, uh, hmm,” Bodhi clears his throat awkwardly, and Jyn fights to keep from laughing, turning her eyes towards the ground instead. 

“Was there something you needed, Bodhi?” Cassian asks, his voice not quite as mirthful as Jyn is feeling, but she can tell that he’s trying not to smile. 

“Um, well, the General. General Draven? He uh, wanted to see you and um, well, I didn’t think you would have company, you know, being that this is your private, um, quarters, um.” Bodhi’s eyes flit in Jyn’s direction, before he quickly looks away, his cheeks flushing deeply. He seems completely mortified and Jyn can’t help but feel sorry for him. 

Getting up from the bed, Jyn crosses the room to stand next to Cassian in the doorway. 

“It’s okay, Bodhi. Cassian isn’t going to shoot you with his blaster for interrupting us. Maybe you should just knock first, before you come in next time.” Jyn lets a small smile cross her lips before patting Bodhi on the shoulder as she walks by him. She gives Cassian a charged look over Bodhi’s shoulder, before turning to walk away. 

Technically, Jyn had gone to Cassian’s quarters to let him know that she was leaving in a few short days for the trip to Hoth. 

She hadn’t intended to kiss him, not really, but she can’t say that she regrets it, either. 

Packing up her things won’t be too much trouble. She hasn’t acquired very many personal effects over the years, and what she does have is paltry, at best. In that way, she realizes she is very similar to Cassian. Still, there’s a part of her that hopes, someday, to have a permanent place, a permanent home where she can settle down and just _breathe_.

Her brush with death on Scarif had given her the push that she needed to let her past go, and give her hope for a new future, a _better_ future. Strangely, she realizes she isn’t afraid of death anymore. Death, after all, was just another phase, like the setting of the sun and the rising of the moon. 

\------------------------------

The hangar is loud and raucous; the noise of ship repairs and various voices shouting back and forth fill the air, but Jyn isn’t focused on any of it. She’s thinking back to the day when they left Yavin IV for Scarif. The scared, yet resilient faces of the men, K-2’s sarcastic comments and his statistical ramblings, Cassian’s proud gaze as he put his life and his trust into her hands... Chirrut had been as cool and enigmatic as always, Baze was a solid pillar at his side, and then there had been brave, brave Bodhi, with his forced bravado. She would be lying if she said she didn’t miss the men they had lost. They had been family for the short time that she had known them. Baze, Chirrut and K-2 would always be with them, she knew that, but this new trip to another new planet brings all the feelings rushing back. 

Sighing, Jyn stands from her seat on one of the heavy crates that would be accompanying her and the first group of men and women to Hoth. She hopes the crate is filled with plenty of blankets and jackets. The stories said that Hoth was one of the most inhospitable planets in the galaxy, the polar opposite of the fiery, volcanic planet of Mustafar. She isn’t sure which destination would be worse, but being that she doesn’t have a choice in the matter, Jyn forces herself not to think about it.

There aren’t any chores for her to do, no tasks to complete. They have crews to load the ship and the pilots are working on the repairs that would be needed to get them to their destination. The fact of the matter is: she’s bored, and she doesn’t know where to put her mind.

A flash of something catches her eye suddenly, and she turns to see Bodhi motioning frantically at someone. It takes her a second before she realizes the source of Bodhi’s wrath is _Cassian_. He looks better than she’s seen him, there’s a lightness about him, despite the pain that she can see still lurking in his eyes. His arm is still in a sling, held immobile against his body by a strip of winding bandage, and she can tell that it’s painful for him to walk, still - but he’s strong, and he’s alive and that’s all that really matters to her. 

Shaking her head in amusement, she walks over to them. Cassian’s eyes are crinkled at the corners and an unexpected fondness fills her chest at the sight. Now that she’s drawn closer, Bodhi has clammed up and seems to have decided that whatever he had been saying was no longer important.

“Bodhi!” Jyn cries, before throwing her arms around him. She’s surprised when she feels the tentative touch of his arm around her shoulders. “Are you coming to Hoth with us?” Jyn asks, tapping on the pilot’s helmet that’s tucked under his arm. 

“Yeah, I am, actually. Surprise.” Bodhi’s face brightens with a smile. 

“Is that what you were talking to Cassian about before I came over here?” Jyn looks between the two men, crossing her arms in front of her. Excuses start flying left and right from Bodhi’s mouth and he quickly moves away as if he’s being chased by a rather angry gorog.

She knows that Bodhi’s an incessant rambler, especially when he’s nervous, but Cassian is usually as cool as a cucumber, no matter the situation. She watches in confusion as he suddenly reverts back to his native language, speaking rapidly at her. 

“You know I have no idea what you’re saying, right?” Jyn replies with one eyebrow quirked and a humorous tilt to her lips.

“Sorry, sorry,” Cassian apologizes, swiftly, switching back to Basic. “I just--”

“You turn to your native language when you’re nervous,” Jyn supplies for him. 

“Yes,” Cassian replies, a look of chagrin on his face. 

“Nervous about what?” Jyn chuckles. “My leaving? Mon Mothma assured me you’d be joining the mission once your bones healed properly.”

Cassian exchanges a look with Bodhi and she knows that’s not it. There’s something else.

“What, then? What’s the big secret?” Jyn asks, a smirk crossing her face as she draws closer to Cassian, straightening his jacket in the process. His dark eyes stare down at her, all trace of nervousness gone. Perhaps he is remembering a very recent and very similar situation to the one they were currently in, she thinks.

“Sergeant Erso!” 

Jyn flinches at the sound of her name being shouted from a very short distance away. Jyn huffs out a frustrated breath but reluctantly removes her hands from Cassian’s jacket, turning around. 

“Yes, sir?” Jyn replies, her face stoic, and a complete 180 from what it had been only a moment before.

“Don’t you have anything better to do? I don’t think accosting the Captain is going to help you when you get to Hoth.” Draven’s voice normally grates on her nerves anyway, but his condescension is really starting to piss her off. 

He’s standing a few feet away, Mon Mothma by his side, dressed in full uniform. 

_Shit, he really means business today._

Jyn forces herself to stand at attention, when all she really wants to do is shout at him for being an elitist, misogynistic murglak.

“General!” Bodhi trots up, his helmet discarded and his eyes shining mischievously. “The command center has spotted a rogue ship on the radar; it’s headed for Gand on the Outer Rim and its hold is filled with a cache of stolen weapons.” 

The General has no choice but to leave the hangar and head to the command center to see what he can do about the situation. 

Bodhi sends a wink over his shoulder towards Jyn before jogging off towards his X-Wing. Jyn realizes that he has saved her from the General’s impromptu tongue lashing, but in reality, she has to get on her own ship, or she’ll probably be court-martialed. 

Turning around to face Cassian, Jyn wraps her arms around him, holding him as tightly as she dares. “I guess you’ll have to tell me that secret later. I’ll see you on Hoth in a few weeks,” Jyn whispers in his ear, trailing her fingers across the back of his neck before releasing him. She levels a look of promise at him before making her way toward her ship, a skip in her step that hadn’t been there before.

“I love you!” Cassian yells after her, his voice audible over all the noise and chaos of the hangar bay, echoing through her chest and settling in her bones. 

A truly rare smile crosses Jyn’s face before she turns around, arms swinging as she walks backwards and calls back to him, “I know!” 

\------------------------------

It’s only been a few days, but Jyn has already come to the realization that Hoth is a shitty, unforgiving planet. Their new base of operations is cramped, understaffed and literally freezing at all hours of the day. 

Her duties, so far, have consisted of carving out caverns to add to the almost negligible space that Echo Base had acquired before Jyn’s arrival, and freezing her ass off. Every night spent in her tiny bunk is intolerable, regardless of how many layers she tries to wrap herself in. Every attempt at cleanliness is halted by the frigid temperatures that can even be felt in the large communal refreshers. Even the memory of the kiss that she and Cassian had shared isn’t enough to hold the cold at bay. 

Jyn isn’t usually one to complain, but Hoth is certainly _the_ most inhospitable planet in the galaxy, she decides, and she had lived on _plenty_. To make matters worse, Jyn is lonely. 

Technically, it had only been a few days since she’d left Yavin IV, but it felt like ages since she had last seen Cassian. Even Bodhi, her only real friend at Echo Base, is too busy to even stop and offer one of his friendly smiles when they pass one another in the ice coated corridors. It appears the frigid temperatures are enough to quell even the brightest of personalities. Jyn, who already has a legendary surly disposition, is now left to try and navigate a confusing and exclusive hierarchy among her fellow female soldiers. 

Earlier that morning, Jyn had gotten a reprieve from her normal cavern digging activities and is now using her mechanic skills to help Sadatoni Divere, a Keganite pilot, fix his ship. He’s a new acquaintance of Bodhi’s, and seeing him lost in a sea of scattered parts, she had offered him her help, in a show of solidarity. Bodhi’s beaming smile of thanks that morning in the mess had almost been enough to thaw Jyn’s frozen limbs.

 _That kriffing hangar door! Why do they have to keep it open at all hours of the day?_

The bitter wind keeps whipping her scarf into her face, obscuring her vision, while the negative temperatures are causing her fingers to go numb, which leads to her consistently dropping her tools. Jyn’s rein on her temper is decreasing by the nanosecond. 

The sound of boots crunching over the salted floor of the hangar is lost to Jyn among the cacophonic clank of tools in the hull of the ship she is working on. 

A large shadow darkening the doorway causes Jyn to look up from the panel she is soldering.

“Son of a nerf herder!” Jyn shouts, whirling around, her hand immediately flying to her throat. She almost throws the soldering iron directly at the looming droid that is standing over her. 

“K-2? Is- is that really you? H-How did you get here?” Jyn sputters. Her heart is racing as her eyes run up and down the form of the former Imperial Droid-turned Rebel Ally.

“The Major thought it would be a good idea to revive me. Apparently he believed it would not only be beneficial to the Alliance, but also to you, if I’m not mistaken.” The familiar, flat tones of K-2’s voice almost bring tears to Jyn’s eyes. She didn’t realize how much she had been missing him. 

It takes a second before she processes what else K-2 has told her. “ _Major_?” Jyn asks. “Wait - what Major?” 

Is there someone else there with K-2? Jyn can’t think of any Major in the Rebel Alliance that she’s familiar with. She tries but fails to peer around the frustratingly tall droid. Who is the Major who decided to revive Cassian’s droid?

“Major Andor, of _course_ ,” K-2 responds drolly. Jyn has a feeling that if K-2 had the ability to roll his eyes, he would be doing it. 

“ _Cassian >_? Is Cassian _here_?” Jyn cries out in excitement. She drops the soldering iron with a reverberating clang, and passes K-2 as fast as her frozen legs can carry her.

“Oh dear. There’s a 77.9% chance that this won’t end well for me,” K-2 responds, drily, to Jyn’s retreating form.

As soon as Jyn sees Cassian’s familiar profile on the other side of the hangar, she can hardly contain herself. Jyn dodges and weaves her way across the hangar, cursing out the other pilots and the multiple droids that won’t get out of her way. She dashes across the icy hangar floor without a thought other than getting to him.

Jyn is within arms length of Cassian when it happens: she slips in an ice patch camouflaged by the glare of the weak Hothian sun. As her feet slip out from under her, Jyn feels her stomach lurch, right as Cassian grabs her roughly around her waist to keep her from falling.

Jyn laughs suddenly, surprised to feel it bubbling up from her stomach. She leans in towards Cassian, wrapping her arms around his waist to embrace him. 

The pleasure of seeing him again is overwhelming. 

She’s so happy he is here, she doesn’t care how it came to be, or what K-2 has to do with it. All she can think about is _him_ , and how he’s here now, with her.

“Whoa! Easy there.” Cassian smiles down at her, those beloved eye crinkles betraying his happiness to see her. 

Jyn finally manages to speak. “Y-you’re here! But - how?” Her eyes never leave his face, as she takes in the familiarity of him. It takes a second before it clicks for her. “Wait,” she says with a mock frown, “was this what you and Bodhi were being so secretive about back on Yavin IV? Bodhi _knew_ about this? Before _me_?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise!” Cassian responds, his eyes bright and laughing.

Jyn hits him, right in the stomach, but he continues to chuckle, his shoulders shaking in mirth. She’s surprised at how carefree he seems. That last time she had seen him, he seemed somewhat happy, but this -- _this_ Cassian -- he is a completely different man. 

Jyn puts on a teasing frown again. “I _knew_ you two were being secretive, but I couldn’t get a lick out of Bodhi.” Jyn stands in front of Cassian, her hands on her hips. She glances furtively around the hangar to see if she can spot Bodhi. _When I find that little liar…_

Jyn isn’t planning to _hurt_ Bodhi, but a little scare will settle things between us, she thinks. 

She decides to let it go for the moment, though, and instead beams up at Cassian, noticing fondly, that he is wearing his officer parka, the fur around the collar blowing every which way from air put out by the nearby exhaust vents.

“ _Major_ Andor? I can’t believe it,” Jyn whispers, gently fingering the new patch on his jacket sleeve.

“I wanted to tell you about my promotion, and about K-2, but one of those wasn’t mine to tell - at least, not at the time - and the other - well, I guess - I was afraid you might not want him around?” Cassian’s eyes search Jyn’s for her response. She can tell he seems a little nervous.

“Cassian,” Jyn replies. “Of _course_ I want K-2 around, especially if he’s what makes you this happy.” A soft, almost sad smile lilts at the corner of her lips. If she’s being perfectly honest, she actually did miss that big lug nut of a droid, but she’s not about to tell Cassian that. Especially not while K-2 is in earshot.

“He’s not the _only_ one who makes me happy,” Cassian states. He gazes down at her, his eyes growing soft, yet dark. Jyn knows that look; she had only seen it a few times in her life, but she also knows that she will probably never get used to it, no matter how many times it’s directed at her. It makes her stomach jump and she finds herself wrapping her arms around his waist again.

“Why don’t you show me?” Jyn breathes, her voice low and raspy.

“Show you what?” Cassian asks, his voice lowering an octave, while his eyes travel to her lips. 

“What makes you happy,” Jyn replies with a smirk, glancing up at him through her lashes.

Jyn had thought she was ready, but the first press of his lips is soft and unexpected. It is so very different from their first kiss, but she still feels the same familiar thrum of want low in her belly. Just when she thinks she knows what to expect of the kiss, Cassian surprises her. He tilts his head, deepening their embrace. Jyn’s hands slid up to grip his jacket in her fists, as one of his hands delve into her hair, cradling the back of her neck. She’s beginning to lose oxygen fast, but she desperately wants to cling to his warmth. For the first time in days, she feels like she’s on fire, warmed from the inside out.

A sharp whistle suddenly pierces the air, and Jyn jerks her head away, her gaze landing on a grinning Bodhi, as his fingers fall away from his lips.

“Don’t make me come over there,” Jyn warns. “I have a bone to pick with you as it is!” A blush creeps across Bodhi’s cheekbones before he lopes off in the opposite direction, mumbling something about ship de-icing. 

“You’re going to scare him off for life,” Cassian teases.

“Nah,” Jyn smiles. “He loves us too much. Besides, we’re family.” Jyn surprises herself as the words fall out, but at the same time, she knows it’s the truth. They’re family now, and no matter what happens next, they will be by each other’s sides.

Cassian kisses her once more, wrapping her in up a bear hug, the fur of his parka tickling her cheeks.

K-2’s heavy footsteps make their way towards them, his censorious gaze crossing over them where they stand hugging, lost in each other. The droid looks out over the frozen wasteland of their new outpost. “This is definitely a mistake.” K-2 intones, as a clump of melting snow drops off his head, hitting the frozen hangar floor.


End file.
